sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Randomize
