Your face is a jimmy john
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
