the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
