Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
