I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My ass is underappreciated
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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