Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
