Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
