chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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