A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You left your phone here
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