Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I faked an abortion last night.
where am i from again
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
