i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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