We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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