oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Houston, we have a squirter
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
