Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
