She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Drake has all the answers
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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