Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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