Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
