maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
