you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
