i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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