how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
