Pants 0. Shit 1.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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