Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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