Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
