"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just gift wrapped bread.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
