i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
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