Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
