Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
