Do you still have your period?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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