I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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