bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just high enough for therapy.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
