Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
