ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So many bounce houses so little time
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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