i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
