So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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