So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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