Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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