Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
