He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
