Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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