His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
