just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
