Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
