this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
