I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
