It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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