Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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