The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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