you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
