and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
