Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
