This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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