the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
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