What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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