We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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