I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
