What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
